All I Need . . .

Your starting point for all things satirically tasty and buzz worthy.

Features

Fucking Eh

February 1, 2018

I had just arrived in Paris after spending the past five weeks in Angola managing some offshore drilling rigs. Shitty job. After laying down the rules, I got some pushback from the locals. Not a surprise. Typical work politics down there.

Grails - Photoshoot Featuring @ymanibarbee and @adore.eu in Streetwear Grails by Supreme and Diamond Supply Co. X Collabo NY

January 31, 2018

Ymani and Natalie looking fine in streetwear grails by Supreme and Diamond Supply Co. x Collabo NY. Ymani is wearing a Supreme grail from 2008 (tags still on) featuring JFK and Jackie in 1963, just minutes before JFK was assassinated. Natalie is wearing another grail: Diamond Supply Co. x Collabo NY's 2006 flipped Misfits skull logo with grills.

Why Phil Kessel Is Awesome (And Why You Should Think So Too)

February 28, 2018

Phil Kessel beat cancer during his rookie season and went on to become a five time thirty goal scorer and two time Stanley Cup Champion on his own terms. In spite of being one of the most prolific goal scorers of his generation, Phil has been oft maligned, bullied, and minimized by the press, the fans, the NHL, and even his peers.

Uber Chronicles

Brian Kruse is like no one you’ve ever met. He is a learned, sardonic, articulate professor who knows more about music, politics, writing, philosophy, whatever…than you. He is also blind and takes a lot of Uber rides. These are his stories–raw and uncensored.

Pride Day Morning

July 6, 2018/by Brian Kruse

Had a Bad Day…

March 10, 2018/by Brian Kruse

Uber Chronicles: Adventure With Deborah

January 8, 2018/by Brian Kruse

Uber Chronicles: Tuesday Morning Microagression

January 8, 2018/by Brian Kruse

Uber Chronicles: Talking So Well

Awesome Lampoon

LMFAO

Angry Socialist Kindergarten Teacher Ruins Thanksgiving for Fifteen Local Families

November 21, 2018

A grassroots organization of concerned parents of students at the Zinn Uplift Progressive Elementary School warns of dangerous trends from a socialist classroom teacher.

Crypto-Currency Guy Needs New Trend to Bandwagon On If He Wants To Maintain His Reign as Alpha Male in the Office

March 14, 2018

I learned to just play it cool and slip in comments like ‘I just made a killing on Litecoin yesterday. It went up 500% percent between the time we got here and lunch. Who has two thumbs and is going to Monaco to hang with Beyonce this summer...This guy.’ See, so smooth, I should be called ‘Butter.’”

Awesome Totally Awesome - Parents with Fortnite Playing Flossing Teen

Parents Around the World are Refusing to Hangout With Their Fortnite Flossing Adolescents

December 20, 2018

In a strange turn of events, parents around the globe are devising any excuse to avoid hanging out (or even be seen) with their Fortnite flossing kids.

Old School Gamer Disappointed by New School Additions to Call Of Duty: World War II

February 12, 2018

Walter Fullmore, 38, of Manitowoc, WI, an avid Call of Duty fan, was ecstatic to hear about the game returning to its roots in World War II. Turns out for Fullmore, he would find himself in a place he did not recognize. The multiplayer.

Steez

You Know My Steez.

Shia LeBeouf is Not a Normcore Fashion God; Rather, His Style is Influenced by Basic Betches

1 Comment

April 26, 2018

Anti-Kaepernick Sneaker Heads Saying Anything To Avoid Having to Burn Their Nikes

September 7, 2018

In response to Nike’s new Just Do It campaign featuring Colin Kaepernick, anti-Kaepernick supporters around the country began burning their Nike products and posting the images on social media.

Kicks We Like: Nike Lunar Force 1 Duckboot Low

February 12, 2018

I grew up dealing with sub-zero winters in Canada, so when it comes to outdoor gear, I’m down with whatever keeps me the warmest. If I had money in my pocket to spend, my first choices would be Timberland and North Face.

Baggage Handlers Preparing to Destroy Your New Supreme X Rimowa Luggage

1 Comment

April 11, 2018

Upon the announcement that Supreme will be dropping its highly anticipated Supreme x Rimowa aluminum luggage collection, baggage handlers around the world began honing their sledgehammers and practicing their elbow drops in anticipation of completely annihilating each and every piece of this collection that makes its way into their possession.

Gaming

Gaming Mods

November 9, 2018

Video games and mods have gone hand and hand since conception. Players have always wanted to find backdoors and spread their own creativity into the games they love so much.

What to Expect From Fallout 76

October 19, 2018

Fallout 76 is not perfect. No Bethesda game is on release. With that being said, there are few bugs that have already been revealed that need to be resolved before the release date.

Nerding Out: Jump Force-Which Character Would Win in a Fight

November 8, 2018

Awaiting the release of Jump Force, a fighting game one can only hope and pray will become competitive, I thought it would be fun to review the announced character list.

Awesome Totally Awesome - Assasin's Greed

Assassin's Greed: Did Ubisoft Intentionally Make Assassin's Creed Odyssey So Difficult That You Have to Buy Your Way To Completion

November 9, 2018

Whether you're slashing through hordes of enemies with a sword or gunning down waves of mutated zombies with a machine gun, it's all part of the grind.

Fallout 4 Addict Arrested After Breaking Into A Local Man’s Basement Survival Shelter

February 28, 2018

Fallout 4 addict, Michael Hunt was arrested this morning for several counts of burglary after breaking into a local man’s (survivalist Red Knect) basement survival shelter.

Whitehouse Chief Strategist Resigns Over Trump's Cosplay Obsession With Overwatch's D.va

February 28, 2018

In a shocking development, a newly released memo from President Trump’s twenty-fifth White House Chief Strategist revealed his intentions for resignation, stemming from an incident involving the President’s obsession with the massively popular video game, “Overwatch.”

It’s Time to Stop, Blizzard!

August 5, 2018

Fallout Gamers Already Planning Sick Days, Family Emergencies, Vacation Time, and Any Excuse to Work Remotely in Anticipation of Fallout 76 Release this November

June 11, 2018

Eileen, a luck 10 has plans to “Just wing it and miss three weeks of work. I’ll cross my fingers and toes and hope I have a job whenever, I decide to return.”

Wu-Tang Clan and Activision to Collaborate for Call of Duty, 36 Chambers Edition

March 1, 2018

Videogame giant Activision announced that it will be collaborating with the legendary hip hop conglomerate, the Wu Tang Clan (“Wu”) for several upcoming projects, including Call of Duty, 36 Chambers Edition.