Awesome Lampoon
SATIRE: (Noun) The Use of Humor, Irony, Exaggeration, or Ridicule
To Expose or Criticize People’s Stupidity or Vices…
-NEW OXFORD AMERICAN DICTIONARY
Don’t Sell Yourself Short Judge–You’re a Tremendous Slouch.
-Ty Webb, Caddyshack
https://awesometotallyawesome.com/wp-content/uploads/180813-ATA-riotfest-01.jpg 640 1000 Brian Kruse https://awesometotallyawesome.com/wp-content/uploads/logo-awesome-totally-awesome-2.png Brian Kruse2018-08-03 19:38:452018-09-08 20:46:13Man Who Didn’t Get Riot Fest Tickets Tries Convincing Anyone Who’ll Listen the Line-Up Isn’t That Good
“There Is A God,” Claim Millions of Atheists After Hearing the News That Bono Lost His Voice
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, Music, TrendingUpon the news that Bono completely lost his voice, partway through U2’s performance in Berlin Saturday, atheists around the world began to seriously question their worldview.
Old School Gamer Disappointed by New School Additions to Call Of Duty: World War II
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, GamingWalter Fullmore, 38, of Manitowoc, WI, an avid Call of Duty fan, was ecstatic to hear about the game returning to its roots in World War II. Turns out for Fullmore, he would find himself in a place he did not recognize. The multiplayer.
Wu-Tang Clan and Activision to Collaborate for Call of Duty, 36 Chambers Edition
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, Features, Fiction, Gaming, TrendingVideogame giant Activision announced that it will be collaborating with the legendary hip hop conglomerate, the Wu Tang Clan (“Wu”) for several upcoming projects, including Call of Duty, 36 Chambers Edition.
Lil Yachty Has No Idea What A Public Enemy Is, But Plans On Copping All Of The Supreme X Undercover Public Enemy Collection Releasing This Thursday
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, Steez, You Know My SteezPotheads Rally to Make 4/20 a National Holiday But Keep Losing Motivation
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, FeaturesFor the past decade, I think, or at least a long time (like five years), marijuana advocates around the country have attempted to rally together to petition the man to make 4/20 a national holiday.
St Louis-Area Woman Declared Punk Rock Nurse of the Year by Suburban Hospital
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome LampoonSt Louis resident Jayme Stabb, also known as Jaime Siedrech, was honored with the Most Punk Rock Nurse Award by the staff of St Cornelius Hospital in Cotteville, Missouri.
Fallout 4 Addict Arrested After Breaking Into A Local Man’s Basement Survival Shelter
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, GamingFallout 4 addict, Michael Hunt was arrested this morning for several counts of burglary after breaking into a local man’s (survivalist Red Knect) basement survival shelter.
Crypto-Currency Guy Needs New Trend to Bandwagon On If He Wants To Maintain His Reign as Alpha Male in the Office
/0 Comments/in Awesome LampoonI learned to just play it cool and slip in comments like ‘I just made a killing on Litecoin yesterday. It went up 500% percent between the time we got here and lunch. Who has two thumbs and is going to Monaco to hang with Beyonce this summer…This guy.’ See, so smooth, I should be called ‘Butter.’”
Elon Musk’s Next Collaboration Is a Trip
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, TrendingATA has since discovered that Musk is working closely with DTK (Drink the Koolaid) Labs on a new LSD that he claims will initiate a new industrial revolution.
Malcolm Gladwell Sued by Shaq, Wallace, Jordan and Drummond
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, Sports, TrendingSHAQUILLE O’NEAL, BEN WALLACE, DEANDRE JORDAN, AND ANDRE DRUMMOND filed a joint lawsuit in Federal District Court against author Malcolm Gladwell
Supreme to Offer Budget Line of Products
/2 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, Steez, Trending, You Know My SteezFor those of you who cannot afford Supreme gear at retail, let alone aftermarket pricing, Supreme will soon be offering a budget line called Supreme Market, featuring items conveniently priced below $40.00.
Six-Year-Old Disappointed Yet Again by Hipster Uncle’s Gift of Vinyl Records
/0 Comments/in Awesome LampoonSix-year-old Lindsey Morris was disappointed again this year after receiving a Birthday gift of record albums from her hipster uncle, Connor Butler.
Ex-Straight Edge Frontman Hashtags For The First Time And #feelslikeasellout
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, MusicSyd V. Cias, former front man for late ‘90’s straight edge band, “No Fun At All,” recently quit his job as manager of the Tire Center at Costco in Tustin, CA to start an online magazine inspired by all things Ian MacKaye.
Tekashi 6IX9INE Will Look Even More Ridiculous When He Cops The Supreme x Fox Collaboration Dropping Thursday.
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, Steez, You Know My SteezTekashi 6IX9INE, the self-proclaimed “King of New York” will look even more ridiculous when he along with all of the other non-motocross riding idiots purchase and start wearing pieces from the Supreme x Fox collection with no motorcycle in sight.
How Maria Beat The Real Housewives of the PTA at Their Own Game
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, Fiction, TrendingI really didn’t care about winning, but seeing this lady’s cheerleader determination, made me say “I’m winning this mofo.”
Despite Video Evidence, Texas Man Refuses to Admit He Has Ever Been Drunk
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome LampoonDespite video evidence to the contrary, Jethro Chevydiesel (Chevydiesel) refused to admit he was drunk the night before—or ever. “I ain’t never been drunk in my Goddamn life.”
Man Who Didn’t Get Riot Fest Tickets Tries Convincing Anyone Who’ll Listen the Line-Up Isn’t That Good
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome LampoonThirty-eight-year-old Dennis Skimler has taken to social media as well as personal interactions to inform the public that this year’s Riot Fest line-up is just not that good.
Area Man Unable to Attend ‘Keep Families Together’ Rally Due to Daughter’s Softball Team Commitment
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome LampoonStanley family friend Leah Burt stated, “I was really surprised. I actually went to the rally because Taylor said Lindsey, the kids, and him were going to be there. But he was nowhere to be found.”
Street Theater Spontaneously Breaks out in Capital Building
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome LampoonAn unprovoked, spontaneous performance of street theater broke out this afternoon in the rotunda of the state capital building while legislators were leaving session.
Baggage Handlers Preparing to Destroy Your New Supreme X Rimowa Luggage
/1 Comment/in Awesome Lampoon, Steez, You Know My SteezUpon the announcement that Supreme will be dropping its highly anticipated Supreme x Rimowa aluminum luggage collection, baggage handlers around the world began honing their sledgehammers and practicing their elbow drops in anticipation of completely annihilating each and every piece of this collection that makes its way into their possession.
Flaming Lips Announce Record Store Day Release
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, MusicLegendary Oklahoma-based psychedelic rock band the Flaming Lips have announced that their unusual Record Store Day release for 2018 is going to be a 7-inch vinyl pressed entirely from band members’ collective ear wax.
Whitehouse Chief Strategist Resigns Over Trump’s Cosplay Obsession With Overwatch’s D.va
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, GamingIn a shocking development, a newly released memo from President Trump’s twenty-fifth White House Chief Strategist revealed his intentions for resignation, stemming from an incident involving the President’s obsession with the massively popular video game, “Overwatch.”
Todd Gets a Job With Lyft
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, FictionTodd sits in his car, anxiously tapping his fingers on his steering wheel in a rhythmic pattern as he waits for his passenger. He looks at his lit LYFT mustache on his dashboard, humming silently. “Okay, okay,” Todd thinks to himself, “let’s not screw this up.”
Mother Walks in on Son Licking Jordans
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, SteezMother of nineteen-year-old Instagram influencer, 99Problem5Butmykiksaint1 (Maynard Marnywood) walked in on her son licking his Jordans. “My baby Maynard…Oh gawd, I can’t unsee what I just saw,”
Awesome Totally Awesome’s Review of Balenciaga’s Spring 2018 Lookbook
/1 Comment/in Awesome Lampoon, FeaturesI should open with the following statement: I know nothing about high fashion. But I do know the difference between something aesthetically pleasing tickling my photoreceptors from an outfit that makes me think “What’s going on here?!”
Stupid Good-Looking Guy in Office (AKA Slick One-Upper) is Wearing a Bad Brains Shirt and is a Bigger Fan Than You
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, MusicThere was tension today when chiseled, blonde, blue-eyed, Newport Beach High/USC alumni, Chase Von Gruber showed up at the monthly after work mixer wearing a Bad Brains, Youth Are Getting Restless, T-shirt.
Canelo Alvarez Wasn’t Lying: We Have Exclusive Pictures of the Roided Out Cows He Ate
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, SportsJust a few weeks before the now postponed Canelo Alvarez (“Canelo”) v Gennady Golovkin (“GGG”) super fight rematch, Canelo tested positive for Clenbuterol (a banned substance) in two separate tests. In his defense, Canelo stated that the positive test results were caused by eating tainted Mexican meat during his training for the fight in Guadalajara.
PLAYAAA!69 Proclaims That He Will Never Stop Playing Hanzo
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, GamingDespite constant bullying, Hanzo Main, I.P. Knightley (who plays as PLAYAAA!69), proclaims that he will never stop playing Hanzo, and feels the even when his entire team has already picked their character and there is no healer and no tank on the team, that he must pick Hanzo.
Middle Aged Man Levels Up To Platinum In Overwatch And No One In His Family Or Peer Group Seems to Care
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, GamingAfter nearly eight months of grinding it out in Overwatch, (a Blizzard competitive shooter game), Johnny Blaze, a middle aged, laid-off, former sales executive (and Junkrat main) finally leveled up to Platinum.
Todd Sends a Dick Pic
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, FictionTodd sits in the bathroom stall at work. He frantically combs his fingers through his hair and begins to pull at it. The beads of sweat pouring down from his forehead are only offset by his eyelids that are blinking a million times a second.
After Celebrating The Washington Capitals First Stanley Cup Win Ovechkin Wakes Up Without a Tongue
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, SportsAlexander Ovechkin (“Ovi”) told ATA that as a result of such win he was “Overwhelmed and honored at the possibility of being the 1000thspecially invited Russian VIP to meet with President Trump at the White House this year.”
College Sophomore Looks Forward to Getting Really Bonzooed at Lollapalooza after Flunking out of College
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome LampoonRepeat college sophomore, Jesse Hammerstein, stated in a Facebook post Wednesday that he’s looking forward to “getting really f*d up this year at Lollapalooza after finishing my summer classes and graduating from my sophomore year at college #oxysbro #success.”
Kanye West Launches New Pet Product Line Entitled “Poopity Scoop.”
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, MusicOnly a few months after the release of his hit song, “Lift Yourself,” Kanye has announced that he will be creating a line of pet waste scoopers for both cats and dogs.
English Professor Looks Forward to Telling People He’s Not into Sports
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, LifeThirty-eight year-old Chad Swampf, an English professor in the suburbs of Chicago, finds himself getting very excited this time of the year as the upcoming NCAA College Basketball Tournament as well as the beginning of Major League Baseball season provides him with several opportunities to inform complete strangers that he is not into sports at all.
The New Apple x Suicidal Tendencies Circle Pit Watch Will Revolutionize Your Circle Pit Safety and Experience
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, Features, Music, TrendingAccording to Muir, “All I wanted was a basic, durable, no bullshit watch, like my old Casio, but with an Institutionalized ring tone and THEY WOULDN’T GIVE IT TO ME.”
Your Grandpa is Copping Supreme x Lacoste in Velour
/0 Comments/in Awesome Lampoon, Steez, You Know My SteezEdward Murphy, a former Beverly Hills Cop turned barber plans on copping the velour bucket hat, track suit, and polo shirt in peach. When shown pictures of the track suit ensemble from Supreme’s online site, Murphy responded “What is that velvet? It’s beautiful.”
Mother Clips Tags From Son’s Off White Jordans and Subsequently Ruins His Life
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, Steez, You Know My Steez“It started off well enough,” he lamented. “I mean it actually started off great. On Monday, my birthday, I woke up to a deadstock pair of Off White Jordans from my mom and dad. I thought it was a dream, you know.”
Utterly Bias and Unscholarly (But True) Study Reveals That Autotune is Like a Drug to Millennials
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, TrendingA recent study from ATA’s own DTK (Drink the KoolAid) laboratory, revealed that Millennials and Post Millennials alike are genetically predisposed to become addicted to Autotune.
Girlfriend Has Difficulty Feigning Interest in All the New Bands Boyfriend Discovered at SXSW
/0 Comments/in Awesome LampoonAnti-Kaepernick Sneaker Heads Saying Anything To Avoid Having to Burn Their Nikes
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, Steez, You Know My SteezIn response to Nike’s new Just Do It campaign featuring Colin Kaepernick, anti-Kaepernick supporters around the country began burning their Nike products and posting the images on social media.
FILE CLERK UNFAIRLY SHUNNED FOR REFUSING TO PARTICIPATE IN OFFICE GIFT EXCHANGE
/0 Comments/in Awesome LampoonAshley Handy, filing clerk for local law firm Dewey Schrougham & Howe alleges that she has been bullied, maligned, and routinely left with the raisin bagel after refusing to participate in the firm’s annual secret Santa exchange.