Fiction

WELL I’LL TELL YOU STU, I DID BATTLE SOME HUMONGOUS WAVES.

BUT YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE I TOLD THE GUY ON ABC,

“DANGER IS MY BUSINESS.” – JEFF SPICOLI

A Fortnite Love Story

July 6, 2018

Todd stands in front of his hotel’s bathroom mirror. He’s sweating profusely as he bonds his fake, blonde goatee onto his chin. This, doubled with his blonde, platinum-dyed hair makes him look completely different. He takes a deep breath as he begins...

ThE WooD BoX At 11 BRooKlYn RoAd

October 23, 2018

The house was of an unremarkable style, square and plain. It sat on a lot surrounded by tall woods...As Alison waited for someone to answer, she glanced at the wood box.

Awesome Totally Awesome - Pee Smelling Murderer

How I Became a Pee Smelling Murderer With a Job Offer From an Aspiring Pimp

October 19, 2018

I had just graduated from college and was waiting for a life-changing job offer. In fact, any job offer would have been nice.

How Maria Beat The Real Housewives of the PTA at Their Own Game

August 5, 2018/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, Fiction, Trending

I really didn’t care about winning, but seeing this lady’s cheerleader determination, made me say “I’m winning this mofo.”

SOMETHING PROFOUND

January 11, 2018/1 Comment/in Features, Fiction, Life

It’s the reason why people sit through funerals, attend weddings, wait expectantly outside delivery rooms—that unnamable presence that accompanies death and birth and the consummation of love. They’re all hoping for a glimpse at the infinite. They’re all looking for something profound.

The Mark

July 6, 2018/0 Comments/in Features, Fiction

Mark’s eyes widen, and he gets out of bed, opens the closet, then pulls down on the coat hanger in the back. The clothing rack drops into the floor and the back wall of the closet opens.

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique

ACCEPTANCE: FREAKS AND WEIRDO’S BOUTIQUE

September 14, 2018/0 Comments/in Awesome, Features, Fiction

Come to the Freaks & Weirdos Boutique at the corner of Route 2 and Willowbrook. Acceptance is just one strange trip away

Awesome Totally Awesome - Todd does Lyft

Todd Gets a Job With Lyft

June 19, 2018/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, Fiction

Todd sits in his car, anxiously tapping his fingers on his steering wheel in a rhythmic pattern as he waits for his passenger. He looks at his lit LYFT mustache on his dashboard, humming silently. “Okay, okay,” Todd thinks to himself, “let’s not screw this up.”