Parents Around the World are Refusing to Hangout With Their Fortnite Flossing Adolescents
In a strange turn of events, parents around the globe are devising any excuse to avoid hanging out (or even be seen) with their Fortnite flossing kids.
Entries by Hattori Hanzo
Elon Musk’s Next Collaboration Is a Trip
ATA has since discovered that Musk is working closely with DTK (Drink the Koolaid) Labs on a new LSD that he claims will initiate a new industrial revolution.
Utterly Bias and Unscholarly (But True) Study Reveals That Autotune is Like a Drug to Millennials
A recent study from ATA’s own DTK (Drink the KoolAid) laboratory, revealed that Millennials and Post Millennials alike are genetically predisposed to become addicted to Autotune.
Despite Video Evidence, Texas Man Refuses to Admit He Has Ever Been Drunk
Despite video evidence to the contrary, Jethro Chevydiesel (Chevydiesel) refused to admit he was drunk the night before—or ever. “I ain’t never been drunk in my Goddamn life.”
After Celebrating The Washington Capitals First Stanley Cup Win Ovechkin Wakes Up Without a Tongue
Alexander Ovechkin (“Ovi”) told ATA that as a result of such win he was “Overwhelmed and honored at the possibility of being the 1000thspecially invited Russian VIP to meet with President Trump at the White House this year.”
Malcolm Gladwell Sued by Shaq, Wallace, Jordan and Drummond
SHAQUILLE O’NEAL, BEN WALLACE, DEANDRE JORDAN, AND ANDRE DRUMMOND filed a joint lawsuit in Federal District Court against author Malcolm Gladwell
Middle Aged Man Levels Up To Platinum In Overwatch And No One In His Family Or Peer Group Seems to Care
After nearly eight months of grinding it out in Overwatch, (a Blizzard competitive shooter game), Johnny Blaze, a middle aged, laid-off, former sales executive (and Junkrat main) finally leveled up to Platinum.