Awesome Totally Awesome - Thanksgiving

Angry Socialist Kindergarten Teacher Ruins Thanksgiving for Fifteen Local Families

A grassroots organization of concerned parents of students at the Zinn Uplift Progressive Elementary School (ZUPES for short) in Portland, Oregon has formed within the last week to warn of dangerous trends from a socialist classroom teacher. Their children are students of a Lynd A Svarva, who has been teaching kindergarten at ZUPES since the late 60’s. According to Michelle Zorst, the leader of the grassroots parent community, “Ms Svarva has been teaching them some pretty edgy things about the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday—which is fine. After all, it is a pretty progressive school. But the children have been coming home and really bumming everyone out.”

For example, five-year-old Cynthia Rogers came home one day to declare her great-grandmother a colonizing pig who has lived her 83 years profiting off the blood and land of the native Chinook people. Zorst also reported that six-year-old Holly Drvorski told her nanny that she would not partake any longer in the annual Thanksgiving pageant as it was merely a blood-soaked spectacle meant to occupy the brainwashed minds of the masses so they do not have to think of the over 50 million souls sacrificed by the genocidal nation-state.

Zorst said that perhaps the most upsetting experience came through her own six-year-old son, Timothy. Ms. Svarva encouraged the children to go home and look up turkey factory production videos on Youtube and told them, as they were watching them, to “remember that each turkey is a feeling, living being who has friends and family” just as the children do. “I’m not even sure what I’m going to do,” Zorst stated. “My personal dietician and I have been working for three months on a Thanksgiving meal plan. So are we supposed to abandon the Keto diet just before Christmas simply because some kindergarten teacher told him that animals have feelings?”

Awesome Totally Awesome attempted to reach Ms. Svarva for comment, but according to Zinn Uplift Progressive Elementary’s secretary, Ms. Svarva does not speak to bourgeois media organizations such as ATA as it is part of the capitalist mainframe dialectic. Besides, Svarva was otherwise occupied planning her trip to an Indian casino to protest the capitalist gaming industry.

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