Awesome Totally Awesome - Thanksgiving

Angry Socialist Kindergarten Teacher Ruins Thanksgiving for Fifteen Local Families

A grassroots organization of concerned parents of students at the Zinn Uplift Progressive Elementary School (ZUPES for short) in Portland, Oregon has formed within the last week to warn of dangerous trends from a socialist classroom teacher. Their children are students of a Lynd A Svarva, who has been teaching kindergarten at ZUPES since the late 60’s. According to Michelle Zorst, the leader of the grassroots parent community, “Ms Svarva has been teaching them some pretty edgy things about the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday—which is fine. After all, it is a pretty progressive school. But the children have been coming home and really bumming everyone out.”

For example, five-year-old Cynthia Rogers came home one day to declare her great-grandmother a colonizing pig who has lived her 83 years profiting off the blood and land of the native Chinook people. Zorst also reported that six-year-old Holly Drvorski told her nanny that she would not partake any longer in the annual Thanksgiving pageant as it was merely a blood-soaked spectacle meant to occupy the brainwashed minds of the masses so they do not have to think of the over 50 million souls sacrificed by the genocidal nation-state.

Zorst said that perhaps the most upsetting experience came through her own six-year-old son, Timothy. Ms. Svarva encouraged the children to go home and look up turkey factory production videos on Youtube and told them, as they were watching them, to “remember that each turkey is a feeling, living being who has friends and family” just as the children do. “I’m not even sure what I’m going to do,” Zorst stated. “My personal dietician and I have been working for three months on a Thanksgiving meal plan. So are we supposed to abandon the Keto diet just before Christmas simply because some kindergarten teacher told him that animals have feelings?”

Awesome Totally Awesome attempted to reach Ms. Svarva for comment, but according to Zinn Uplift Progressive Elementary’s secretary, Ms. Svarva does not speak to bourgeois media organizations such as ATA as it is part of the capitalist mainframe dialectic. Besides, Svarva was otherwise occupied planning her trip to an Indian casino to protest the capitalist gaming industry.

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique
ATA - DTK

Awesome Dropping

UBER Chronicles

Uber Chronicles: Tuesday Morning Microagression

Mike was my fellow Uber passenger. He got out to help me into the vehicle. As he got back in, he told Bob, our driver, to hop to it! Bob thanked him for helping me get in.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique

ACCEPTANCE: FREAKS AND WEIRDO'S BOUTIQUE

Come to the Freaks & Weirdos Boutique at the corner of Route 2 and Willowbrook. Acceptance is just one strange trip away

Canelo Alvarez Wasn't Lying: We Have Exclusive Pictures of the Roided Out Cows He Ate

Just a few weeks before the now postponed Canelo Alvarez (“Canelo”) v Gennady Golovkin (“GGG”) super fight rematch, Canelo tested positive for Clenbuterol (a banned substance) in two separate tests. In his defense, Canelo stated that the positive test results were caused by eating tainted Mexican meat during his training for the fight in Guadalajara.

Awesome Features

My Love/Hate Relationship With #Supreme - Photoshoot with @ymanibarbee @adore.eu and Essay

/
Like it or not, Supreme will always be the litmus for streetwear.  For old streetwear heads like me, there continues to be a love / hate relationship with Supreme.  About a year ago, I was driving home from work and one of the neighbor kids (usually dressed head to toe in Pac Sun or even worse, Dallas Cowboys gear), cruised by me, riding a Razor scooter, with a mohawk helmet, wearing a Supreme box logo hoodie.  I lost concentration and almost drove my car into the kids playing basketball in the driveway a few houses up.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Joyner Lucas

Joyner Lucas is Demanding Your Attention

From his raspy voice and lighting fast raps laden with controversial remarks, Joyner Lucas demands your attention on even the most mellow of his records.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Biker Shorts

Biker Shorts: The Athleisure Trend That Needs to Stop

It’s not news that biker shorts have been a thing this year. While it was nothing short of an atrocity from the get-go, there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight.

Awesome Trending

Awesome Totally Awesome Bono

“There Is A God,” Claim Millions of Atheists After Hearing the News That Bono Lost His Voice

Upon the news that Bono completely lost his voice, partway through U2’s performance in Berlin Saturday, atheists around the world began to seriously question their worldview.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Supreme Box Hoodie Legit Check 101Four-Pins

Legit Check 101 Supreme: Box Logo Hoodies

The Supreme Box Logo (“BOGO”) Hoodie is one of the most iconic and sought Supreme pieces year in and year out. We’re here to provide you with a basic checklist that should apply to any BOGO Hoodie within the past 10 years.
Awesome Totally Awesome - DTK

Digging For Dirt: How Alice In Chains Made Their Ultimate Album

Among the truly great heavy metal albums, Alice in Chains' masterpiece Dirt is easily a cut above the rest.