Awesome Totally Awesome - Thanksgiving

Angry Socialist Kindergarten Teacher Ruins Thanksgiving for Fifteen Local Families

A grassroots organization of concerned parents of students at the Zinn Uplift Progressive Elementary School (ZUPES for short) in Portland, Oregon has formed within the last week to warn of dangerous trends from a socialist classroom teacher. Their children are students of a Lynd A Svarva, who has been teaching kindergarten at ZUPES since the late 60’s. According to Michelle Zorst, the leader of the grassroots parent community, “Ms Svarva has been teaching them some pretty edgy things about the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday—which is fine. After all, it is a pretty progressive school. But the children have been coming home and really bumming everyone out.”

For example, five-year-old Cynthia Rogers came home one day to declare her great-grandmother a colonizing pig who has lived her 83 years profiting off the blood and land of the native Chinook people. Zorst also reported that six-year-old Holly Drvorski told her nanny that she would not partake any longer in the annual Thanksgiving pageant as it was merely a blood-soaked spectacle meant to occupy the brainwashed minds of the masses so they do not have to think of the over 50 million souls sacrificed by the genocidal nation-state.

Zorst said that perhaps the most upsetting experience came through her own six-year-old son, Timothy. Ms. Svarva encouraged the children to go home and look up turkey factory production videos on Youtube and told them, as they were watching them, to “remember that each turkey is a feeling, living being who has friends and family” just as the children do. “I’m not even sure what I’m going to do,” Zorst stated. “My personal dietician and I have been working for three months on a Thanksgiving meal plan. So are we supposed to abandon the Keto diet just before Christmas simply because some kindergarten teacher told him that animals have feelings?”

Awesome Totally Awesome attempted to reach Ms. Svarva for comment, but according to Zinn Uplift Progressive Elementary’s secretary, Ms. Svarva does not speak to bourgeois media organizations such as ATA as it is part of the capitalist mainframe dialectic. Besides, Svarva was otherwise occupied planning her trip to an Indian casino to protest the capitalist gaming industry.

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique
ATA - DTK

Awesome Dropping

SPOTLIGHT ON: WATCH FOR HORSES

Wiretap Records performing and recording artist, Watch For Horses, played their final show of 2017 at The Satellite in Los Angeles, CA.

Santa Clarita Diet Season 1 Recap: The Undead Revival of Drew Barrymore(‘s Career)

When it comes to potential marital crises, none of your petty problems will ever compare to those of Sheila and Joel Hammond, the main characters of the Netflix original series Santa Clarita Diet.

Baggage Handlers Preparing to Destroy Your New Supreme X Rimowa Luggage

/
Upon the announcement that Supreme will be dropping its highly anticipated Supreme x Rimowa aluminum luggage collection, baggage handlers around the world began honing their sledgehammers and practicing their elbow drops in anticipation of completely annihilating each and every piece of this collection that makes its way into their possession. 

Awesome Features

Awesome Totally Awesome - Slayer Final World Tour 2018

Pho King Slayer

/
Slayer is starting their final tour ever, which means their final tour until they decide they need another couple of million in the bank, at which point they’ll have a reunion tour. Nevertheless, assuming this is the end, it’s also the end of one of the greatest cathartic battle cries ever: F***ING SLAYERRRRR!!!

Cliff Burton's Influence on Ride The Lightning

There's no question Metallica's sophomore album, Ride the Lightning saw the band finding their thrash metal stride with better songs and production than on their stunning debut Kill 'Em All.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Legend of The Seagullmen

Concert Review Legend of The Seagullmen: The Roxy, Hollywood

The Legend of the Seagullmen (Seagullmen) is a furious and heavy supergroup. Their self-titled debut album consists of dark and heavy, psychedelic, and evil pirate metal anthems all revolving around the deep dark sea.

Awesome Trending

Awesome Totally Awesome - Scientology

Hanging With The Brainwashers: ATA Goes Undercover With The Church of Scientology

It was a rainy day in Sydney, Australia when I was walking down a sidewalk with my Finnish friend Isabella, when I saw a nice enough looking woman handing out some kind of paper to passersby.

How Jane's Addiction's Nothing's Shocking Almost Did Not Get Recorded

One of the most significant albums of the 1980s, Jane's Addiction's seminal Nothing's Shocking, almost didn't get recorded. While the album turned out to be so influential to alternative music and the beginnings of grunge, the band that went into LA's Eldorado Studio to record it nearly broke up during production.
Awesome Totally Awesome

Fallout Gamers Already Planning Sick Days, Family Emergencies, Vacation Time, and Any Excuse to Work Remotely in Anticipation of Fallout 76 Release this November

Eileen, a luck 10 has plans to “Just wing it and miss three weeks of work.  I’ll cross my fingers and toes and hope I have a job whenever, I decide to return.”