Awesome Totally Awesome - Lollapalooza

College Sophomore Looks Forward to Getting Really Bonzooed at Lollapalooza after Flunking out of College

By Brian Kruse

Repeat college sophomore, Jesse Hammerstein, stated in a Facebook post Wednesday that he’s looking forward to “getting really fucked up this year at Lollapalooza after finishing my summer classes and graduating from my sophomore year at college #oxysbro #success.” According to Hammerstein’s mother, this will be the 21-year old’s fourth consecutive year getting totally fucked up at Lolla.

“We are just so proud of Jesse. He goes to all these different places and gets totally trashed, or whatever the kids call it these days. It’s so good of him to have all these experiences while he is young.”

Hammerstein’s best friend, Josh Skruggle, has accompanied him the past three years and is also looking forward to attending the festival, which will be held in Chicago’s Grant Park this August. “There’s just something so special about the way Hammer gets fucked up, man. I mean, we all like to party, but the Hammer takes that shit to a whole ‘nother level. Last year, after the Red Hot Chili Peppers, he was, like, throwing up everywhere. And me and a couple other guys took his wallet and told him he just lost it. We bought beer with the cash for the rest of the festival.”

Hammerstein’s girlfriend, Emily “Contin” Fischer, is looking forward to her first time attending the alternative rock institution now in its 27thyear. “This is my first year going as the Hammer’s girl, and I’m super stoked to see how fucked up he’s gonna get, especially during the Saturday night set by The Weekend.”

Unfortunately, four of Hammerstein’s college professors seem to be in agreement that, no matter how fucked up he will be during Lollapalooza, he will not be doing so as a college junior. Biology Professor Melissa DeRoset stated in an email to Awesome, Totally Awesome, “I would be very surprised if Jesse will be getting fucked up to Lil Uzi Vert, A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie, and Tank and the Bangas as a college junior this year. He’s failing four of his five classes and holding down a 1.2 GPA.”

Reached for comment, Steven Mnuchin Institute of Corporate Achievement, Inc.’s academic counselor, Jonathan Biggles, scoffed at the suggestion that Hammerstein would have anything to celebrate at Lollapalooza this year. “’The Hammer’ is on his fifth college and at the end of academic probation here at the Institute. But I hope he enjoys Cigarettes After Sex. I know I do.”

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique
ATA - DTK

Awesome Dropping

Awesome Totally Awesome - Bon Scott

Five of the Greatest AC/DC Songs with Bon Scott

These songs are five of the best AC/DC recorded with the great Bon Scott on vocals and writing the lyrics.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Agenda

ATA Review of AGENDA, Long Beach

Inclusiveness:  It’s what AGENDA is all about, and what makes it a special kind of tradeshow. No matter who you are, you can stand side by side with companies like the Hundreds, 10 Deep, or Chinatown Market and compete with the same.  That’s the draw. 

Awesome Features

Awesome Totally Awesome - LookBook Winter 2018

Cop Our Merch: ATA DTK Freaks & Weirdos Boutique Lookbook Volume 1

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique Lookbook Volume 1 Winter 2018
Awesome Totally Awesome - Scientology

Hanging With The Brainwashers: ATA Goes Undercover With The Church of Scientology

It was a rainy day in Sydney, Australia when I was walking down a sidewalk with my Finnish friend Isabella, when I saw a nice enough looking woman handing out some kind of paper to passersby.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Castlevania Photo:@zerobriantees

Netflix Castlevania Season 2 Review: Pulls You in By The Neck and Doesn't Let Go

As soon as I heard Adi Shankar was creating an animated series based on the beloved Castlevania franchise, I was tuned in and ready to go.

Awesome Trending

Awesome Totally Awesome - Supreme Box Hoodie Legit Check 101Four-Pins

Legit Check 101 Supreme: Box Logo Hoodies

The Supreme Box Logo (“BOGO”) Hoodie is one of the most iconic and sought Supreme pieces year in and year out. We’re here to provide you with a basic checklist that should apply to any BOGO Hoodie within the past 10 years.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Kanye West I Love It

Kanye West & Lil Pump Roblox "I Love It," Video: How did we get here?

/
Kanye West. The man of many faces. Some say he’s a god.  Some being Kanye. Others, like J.Cole, think differently.
Awesome Totally Awesome Elon Musk

Elon Musk’s Next Collaboration Is a Trip

ATA has since discovered that Musk is working closely with DTK (Drink the Koolaid) Labs on a new LSD that he claims will initiate a new industrial revolution.