Awesome Totally Awesome Elon Musk

Elon Musk’s Next Collaboration Is a Trip

Irvine, CA

Famed inventor/Entrepreneur is no stranger to unique collaborations.  At the beginning of 2018, he made and immediately sold out flamethrowers.  A few months ago, he collaborated with Lost to make surfboards, which also sold out immediately.

After allegedly tripping balls, letting loose on Twitter, having Azalea Banks spill the beans, and deleting his Instagram account in the process, it has now been reported that Musk was self-testing his newest product: LSD.

ATA has since discovered that Musk is working closely with DTK (Drink the Koolaid) Labs on a new LSD that he claims will initiate a new industrial revolution.

According to chief chemist Dr. Hattori Hanzo of DTK Labs, “This shit is so powerful, it’ll make you believe that Elon is god—that coupled with the subliminal messages we loop through air vents murmuring, ‘Elon is God’ and ‘We don’t need no fucking Unions.’

“In fact, the Tesla workers in our test group have been eating this stuff like it was molly at Coachella.  The productivity that we have been getting out of them on it is incredible.  So far, we’ve been able to have them increase productivity on the assembly line to almost inhuman levels.   They’ve been hammering through Model 3’s like they were Guatemalan kids making T-shirts.  We just have to stop every hour or so to give them orange juice and they’re good.”

Have you had any strange incidents?

“Errrrrr…not really.  Every once in a while, we’ll catch a worker staring into space or at their hands.  At that point, one of our DTK guides steps in to bring them into our safe room (which is covered in cocker spaniel fur), where they hold hands, drink more orange juice and listen to Jack Johnson until they’re ready to start working again.”

While Dr. Hanzo had nothing but positive things to say about the testing results, there have been several strange incidents reported by inside sources, including a massive meltdown of the workers which occurred when Elon thought playing music to intensify the psychedelic properties of LSD would increase productivity.

When asked about the meltdown the source was rather candid.

“So, we ended up blasting Pink Floyd’s, Meddle, Funkadelic’s, Maggot Brain, Kid Cudi’s, Indicud, and Deicide’s, Deicide during a factory shift.  We should have taken baby steps and started off with Phish or something more benign, but Elon was under pressure from the stockholders to get more cars produced, so he went full retard.  An hour or so into this tripped out loop, small groups of workers had made their way to the nearest wall and were rolling around in the fetal position while weeping uncontrollably.  When Deicide played, several workers went into a frenzied panic thinking that the factory assembly machines were turning into claws, trying to pull them into Hell.”

“This incident was so chaotic that Elon had to call in his girlfriend, Grimes, to come into the factory as a celebrity guide to hold hands and embrace the workers while humming the melody to ‘California’ until the effects of the LSD wore off.”

Other reports have workers in the painting division painting incredible mural-like pieces on some of the cars while on Elon’s LSD.

According to a source, “One of the painters did an entire Star Wars timeline mural on an S series like it was a custom Chevy van in 1982.   A few weeks later, that same worker did an incredible tie-dye mural which included dancing Grateful Dead Bears on a Roadster.  Most of the time, however, the art isn’t that good and we catch the workers finger-painting and licking the paint off their fingers like it was a popsicle.”

Isn’t that dangerous?

“Really…They’re feeding us acid and covering up work injuries here.  I don’t think Elon’s worried about a little paint poisoning.”

How about Grimes, has she tested any of this LSD?

“Dr. Hanzo told me a funny story that he went to Musk Manor with Elon and Grimes and administered Grimes the LSD by putting drops in her cherry Koolaid.  He was then instructed to play a specially prepared Spotify mix for her that Elon had made.  Apparently, there was a subliminal code in the mix that Hanzo decoded a few weeks after.”

What was the code?

“That’s the weird thing.  I thought it was going to be something salacious, but it was simply ‘3 and a half inches is huge.’  I don’t get it.  I guess that’s why he’s the billionaire and I’m talking to you.”

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