English Professor Looks Forward to Telling People He’s Not into Sports

By: Brian Kruse

Thirty-eight year-old Chad Swampf, an English professor in the suburbs of Chicago, finds himself getting very excited this time of the year as the upcoming NCAA College Basketball Tournament as well as the beginning of Major League Baseball season provides him with several opportunities to inform complete strangers that he is not into sports at all.

“I make it a point during March Madness to tell each of my classes that I’m really not into sports at all. I think this is really important for me to do because some of them really enjoy it and will try to make annoying conversation with me, asking me questions about my ‘brackets’ and whatnot. So I just tell them, straight up, ‘You know, I’m really not into sports.’”

Swampf has actually been so successful at communicating his lack of enthusiasm for sports that former student Kelly Freedler finds that to be the only thing she remembers about his course. “I remember on the first day of class, he asked us what we did on our summer vacation. I told him I refereed at a children’s soccer camp. And he cut me off to say, ‘I’m sorry, but I’m really not into sports.’ I found it to be kind of rude.” Freedler went on to recall that Swampf repeatedly informed the class of his lack of interest in sports during the World Series, the beginning of the NBA season, even pointing it out in an email he sent the class before Thanksgiving break in which he informed them he would not be watching any football over the extended weekend as he does not care for sports.

“He’s really ridiculous about it,” states Swampf’s ex-wife Kathleen. “Our son, Philip, would ask him to go to his Little League games, and he would just cut him off and say, ‘Son, you know I’m really not into sports.”

Though, not everyone has a problem with Swampf’s mission of informing his distaste for athletic games. Thomas Banke, President of the Society of Men Who Really Aren’t into Sports, or SOMWRANITS for short, find Swampf to be a passionate communicator for men who really aren’t into sports. “He’s really powerful. I went to a Super Bowl party with him last year, and he made sure everyone there knew that he wasn’t interested in the game and why he wasn’t interested in the game.”

In addition to informing students, strangers, and his offspring, Swampf hopes his recent move to the Wrigleyville neighborhood of Chicago will also provide him with opportunity to spread the gospel of men who really aren’t into sports. “It should get pretty crazy down here in the summer. All these annoying Cubs fans are going to be coming down from the suburbs and wandering through my neighborhood. I’m going to tell every one of them, ‘You know, I’m really not into sports.’”