FILING CLERK UNFAIRLY SHUNNED FOR REFUSING TO PARTICIPATE IN OFFICE SECRET GIFT EXCHANGE
Ashley Handy, filing clerk for local law firm Dewey Schrougham & Howe alleges that she has been bullied, maligned, and routinely left with the raisin bagel after refusing to participate in the firm’s bi-annual secret gift exchange.
Handy, however, raised some strong points as to why she has boycotted the popular morale boosting activity.
“Last year I went all out for my secret pick. Even though I make barely over minimum wage, I went over and above the $25.00 limit. First, I filled an empty 40 bottle of Olde English with my great grandma’s apple cobbler moonshine and decorated it with my favorite anime sketches. The moonshine cost me nothing, as syphoned it from great grandma’s still when she passed out watching Three’s Company re-runs, so I decided to do more. I also made a gift basket of homemade, all natural, non-GMO, bath products made from the lavender and peppermint grown in my own backyard and the $150.00, Make Your Own Homemade, All Natural, Non-GMO, Bath Products Kit from Whole Foods Market.”
“In return, my secret gift giver gave me a piece of shit, re-gifted, apple peeler that didn’t work
I’m pretty sure it was used before, as it looked like the plastic, internal wrap was crudely stapled together and the peeler had small rotten apple pieces stuck to it like dingle-berries.”
After all the drama, Handy admits that she is secretly applying for other employment. “I don’t need this job and I don’t get paid enough to deal with this crap. Joey, in IT has also told me that I can be a model. At first, I thought he was trying to be creepy, but then he told me that he has published photos in Lowrider Mama and Twerk It Yo Magazine, so I think I’ll take him up on the model shoot offer. Who knows where that will take me?”