Awesome Totally Awesome - Parents with Fortnite Playing Flossing Teen

Parents Around the World are Refusing to Hangout With Their Fortnite Flossing Adolescents

Everywhere, USA

In a strange turn of events, parents around the globe are devising any excuse to avoid hanging out (or even be seen) with their Fortnite flossing kids.

It’s a fu**ing embarrassment, I tell you,” declared San Diego High School Football Coach, Brock Lesnari.

I invited some friends over for the Chargers / Chiefs’ game a few weeks back and everything was great.  The Chargers made a miraculous comeback to tie it up and I’m yelling at the coach to go for a two-point conversion.  They do and Rivers hits Williams in the end zone to win the game—and it’s bonkers.  Everyone was all, ‘Yeeaaaaaaahhh!!!’  Giving high fives, bro hugs, chest bumps, and ass slaps, when suddenly the boys go silent like Bruce Jenner walked in the room wearing a bikini.  So, I turn around and Brock Jr. is planted in front of the 70-inch, doing his fucking seizure dance, with a big shit eating grin.  The next week, no one showed up for Sunday football.  Because of his constant flossing, I’m an outcast in my own home.”

Jock dads aren’t the only ones perplexed and disturbed by this phenomenon.  Yoga moms like Lulu Limon’ (and mother of twin 13-year-olds) from Montreal, Canada told ATA

“The biggest problem is that it can happen at anywhere, at any time, in any situation.  I feel victimized by my own flesh and blood.  It’s like they don’t care about my feelings and choose to embarrass me in every situation. 

Last week the twins started simultaneously flossing at Starbucks in front of my friends from hot yoga. I’m absolutely triggered by the fact that Lilith and Faire have no recognizable trigger to break into their ghastly flossing ritual.  It’s absolutely random. 

The only thing that calms me down is an Oxy.  So because of their flossing, I’m forced to drive around impaired half of the day.”

Adolescent flossers are equally perplexed by the sudden change in the relationship with their parents.  Millie Neal, informed ATA that her once engaged parents

“Now avoid all contact with me.  They come home from work, grab, their mommy or daddy Yeti tumbler, and go straight to their room–lock the door, binge on Netflix, and listen to ‘90’s hip-hop, metal, and punk.  The only time they come out is to fill their mommy or daddy tumbler.”

Some adolescents even reported their parents wearing all black; however, it was later confirmed that those parents wore all black since they were teens themselves, and just never got real jobs.

ATA’s resident psychologist, Hattori Hanzo, informed ATA that

“Adolescents should not be too concerned in that it’s not that their parents no longer love them, but rather that they are entering into a more introspective phase of their lives, where they realize that their entire lives have been a lie–and that the endless cycle of work and disappointment are just that: an endless cycle.  The flossing reminds them that they no longer understand or have the ability to control the world around them and they are simply rebelling against it.”

“Eventually”, he confirmed, “Your relationship will go back to normal, with your parents lamenting, ‘What happened to my little (girl or boy)’ and you using your parents as a provider of material goods and car insurance.  They may eventually even try to connect with you by flossing themselves, which would help catalyst your adolescent embarrassment and avoidance of them, resulting in the natural order to be restored.”

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique
ATA - DTK

Awesome Dropping

ATA's Review of Adidas' 747 Warehouse St. Experience

Adidas 747 was an epic event.  Spanning several blocks surrounding and within the old American Apparel manufacturing building in downtown LA, Adidas went all out to represent during this year’s NBA all-star game.
Awesome Totally Awesome - LookBook Winter 2018

Cop Our Merch: ATA DTK Freaks & Weirdos Boutique Lookbook Volume 1

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique Lookbook Volume 1 Winter 2018
Awesome Totally Awesome - Riotfest 2018

Man Who Didn’t Get Riot Fest Tickets Tries Convincing Anyone Who’ll Listen the Line-Up Isn’t That Good

Thirty-eight-year-old Dennis Skimler has taken to social media as well as personal interactions to inform the public that this year’s Riot Fest line-up is just not that good.

Awesome Features

Awesome Totally Awesome The Comedy Store

Break on Through to the Other Side: Trying to Make it as a Comedian in Los Angeles

Comedy becomes an unreliable drug, one that sends you shooting to the moon or crashing into the fiery depths of hell.
Alfonso Rawls EverybodySkates Awesome Totally Awesome

SHINE: ATA’s INTERVIEW WITH SKATEBOARDING ICON ALPHONSO “ALF” RAWLS ON SKATING, HIS STREETWEAR COMPANY #EVERYBODY SKATES, AND HIS ART

Our latest Shine subject is Alfonso "ALF" Rawls.  ALF is a skateboarding legend and really good soul who can still rip everything with freaky styley style.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Temple Of The Dog

ATA Revisits The Classic, Temple of the Dog

There are few hard rock albums with packed with as much raw emotion as the stellar Temple of the Dog record.

Awesome Trending

Awesome Totally Awesome Elon Musk

Elon Musk’s Next Collaboration Is a Trip

ATA has since discovered that Musk is working closely with DTK (Drink the Koolaid) Labs on a new LSD that he claims will initiate a new industrial revolution.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Utterly Bias

Utterly Bias and Unscholarly (But True) Study Reveals That Autotune is Like a Drug to Millennials

A recent study from ATA’s own DTK (Drink the KoolAid) laboratory, revealed that Millennials and Post Millennials alike are genetically predisposed to become addicted to Autotune.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Stacy Kohut FOURLIFE

Stacy Kohut Interview: Four Wheels + For Life = FOURLIFE

I try to get 5 or 6 runs in the morning, then 5 or 6 runs after lunch. Its important to me to feel like I've put in the work, 'punched in' for the shift, when I ride. Makes the day have some more importance and meaning. A purpose if you will.