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Utterly Bias and Unscholarly (But True) Study Reveals That Autotune is Like a Drug to Millennials

A recent study from ATA’s own DTK (Drink the KoolAid) laboratory, revealed that Millennials and Post Millennials alike are genetically predisposed to become addicted to Autotune.

Leading scientist and Autotune behaviorologist, Dr. Hattori Hanzo announced the finding along with impressive, multicolored, pie graph pictures as empirical support during a recent status update on their Facebook page and simultaneously in a poorly photographed picture of the empirical data on their Instagram Stories.

According to Dr. Hanzo, “Autotune is the musical equivalent of endorphins, wherein runners receive a runner’s high from the brain to mask the pain of wanting to die after stupidly running past the point of exhaustion when they could simply fake an injury and obtain a Tramadol prescription.”

He went on, “These fucking kids have been so inundated with mumble rap, boy bands, and Katy Perry songs, starting in the womb, that they actually crave the mind-numbing but perfectly pitched wail which Autotune creates.  It’s like mother’s milk to a baby to them. In fact, their brains are so addicted to Autotune, that they actively seek it out, like crack babies did crack in the ‘90’s.”

When we asked Dr. Hanzo, which songs caused the greatest release of endorphins, he replied, “I grew up listening to punk rock and ‘90’s hip hop so I really try not to listen to any of that shit; however, our data seems to support that DJ Khaled’s “All I Do is Win,” has enough Autotune in it to both tranquilize a horse and get a football stadium full of white kids from Wisconsin, bouncing up and down and waving their arms up and down like drunk seagulls.

DJ Khaled’s “All I Do is Win,” has enough Autotune in it to both tranquilize a horse and get a football stadium full of white kids from Wisconsin, bouncing up and down and waving their arms up and down like drunk seagulls.

“Moreover, Future, uses Autotune on everything 100% like he’s trying to OD on every track.  I actually heard of people tripping so hard on “Tony Montana” that they started hallucinating.”

Did you confirm whether or not those people hallucinating were actually on some type of controlled substance or just overwhelmed by the density of the Autotune?

“DTK labs pay me in fucking promises, what do you think smart ass?”

Was there anything else that you learned from this study?

“If a rapper’s name start’s with “Lil”, don’t listen to anything they release, because its scientifically proven to be dog shit.

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ATA - DTK

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