Awesome Totally Awesome - Food and Sex

Food and Sex: The Way to a Man’s Heart (Duh)

Let’s face it, the two things guys need to live are food and sex. To that end, our complex, yet feeble minds can be satisfied in a variety of ways involving both. The old adage, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” could not be more accurate(although, a detour through the crotch is always welcome). Think about it, the start of almost every relationship revolves around food. Dinner dates, lunch dates, popcorn at the movies and the awkward morning after breakfast or what I call the, “It wasn’t any good, but at least it didn’t take long” apology breakfast are all part of creating a romantic bond. No matter the situation, the right food in the right place can make or break your chances of becoming a happy couple.

The dinner date may be the most popular outing among people who still believe that you can’t fall in love via text and a few well-placed emojis.

Think about how important your choice of location and meal can be… Guys, this one is directed towards you; fast food is only an option after your significant other is used to you disappointing her, so wait until your one year anniversary to take her to a place where everything you order is wrapped in paper.

Take her to a nice restaurant and show her you care by wearing a shirt with at least three buttons. Remember that money is no object, until later (refer to disappointment comment above).

Ladies, for the love of VISA, take it a little easy on us. We don’t mind if you order the lobster, but if you eat a third of it and get a box, so you can take the rest home to your cat, then we should have just opened a can of tuna and dumped it in a bowl for you. No matter what you might think, a guy likes a woman who can clean her plate. If you want to eat like a bird, let that bird be of the pterodactyl variety.

Steak, chicken, seafood and pasta are all acceptable to order on a dinner date whether you’re a man or a woman. Asking for a vegetarian alternative doesn’t make anyone look good. That cow, fish, chicken and whatever animal pasta comes from died so you could enjoy a nice meal. Don’t insult them by eating salad.

Unlike the dinner date, the lunch date isn’t a high-pressure situation. Generally, we only have a short time to stuff our faces and still maintain a small amount of dignity. A sandwich and yes, even a salad is perfectly acceptable cuisine for this sprint of a date. The only tricky part is navigating conversation in between bites. Whatever your topic of conversation is, it can wait until you’ve swallowed your food.

I’d rather not hear about your job, family or future plans while dodging a barrage of partially chewed lettuce. Soup is also a good idea because it goes down easy and that is always a quality I look for in a date. We won’t even get into the breakfast date, but suffice it to say, Cheerios are never a romantic gesture, even if they’re honey nut. I can’t speak intelligently on the breakfast date, because I refuse to pay the extra my dates would charge to spend the night.

In conclusion, food goes hand in hand with romance, so choose your fare with the same discretion that you choose your mate. That being said, it’s always acceptable to eat alone, but if you decide to be romantic alone, try not to do it at your favorite restaurant. There are health codes, you know!

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique
ATA - DTK

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