Parents Around the World are Refusing to Hangout With Their Fortnite Flossing Adolescents
In a strange turn of events, parents around the globe are devising any excuse to avoid hanging out (or even be seen) with their Fortnite flossing kids.
Angry Socialist Kindergarten Teacher Ruins Thanksgiving for Fifteen Local Families
A grassroots organization of concerned parents of students at the Zinn Uplift Progressive Elementary School warns of dangerous trends from a socialist classroom teacher.
Local Couple Held Captive for Friend’s Unprovoked Acoustic Concert
Local man Colin Butler and his wife Cynthia report having just experienced a thirty-minute performance by area musician Jacob Jeffries.
Kanye West Launches New Pet Product Line Entitled “Poopity Scoop.”
Only a few months after the release of his hit song, “Lift Yourself,” Kanye has announced that he will be creating a line of pet waste scoopers for both cats and dogs.
Anti-Kaepernick Sneaker Heads Saying Anything To Avoid Having to Burn Their Nikes
In response to Nike’s new Just Do It campaign featuring Colin Kaepernick, anti-Kaepernick supporters around the country began burning their Nike products and posting the images on social media.
“There Is A God,” Claim Millions of Atheists After Hearing the News That Bono Lost His Voice
Upon the news that Bono completely lost his voice, partway through U2’s performance in Berlin Saturday, atheists around the world began to seriously question their worldview.
Elon Musk’s Next Collaboration Is a Trip
ATA has since discovered that Musk is working closely with DTK (Drink the Koolaid) Labs on a new LSD that he claims will initiate a new industrial revolution.
Utterly Bias and Unscholarly (But True) Study Reveals That Autotune is Like a Drug to Millennials
A recent study from ATA’s own DTK (Drink the KoolAid) laboratory, revealed that Millennials and Post Millennials alike are genetically predisposed to become addicted to Autotune.
Despite Video Evidence, Texas Man Refuses to Admit He Has Ever Been Drunk
Despite video evidence to the contrary, Jethro Chevydiesel (Chevydiesel) refused to admit he was drunk the night before—or ever. “I ain’t never been drunk in my Goddamn life.”
How Maria Beat The Real Housewives of the PTA at Their Own Game
I really didn’t care about winning, but seeing this lady’s cheerleader determination, made me say “I’m winning this mofo.”