Mother of nineteen-year-old Instagram influencer, 99Problem5Butmykiksaint1 (Maynard Marnywood) walked in on her son licking his Jordans. “My baby Maynard…Oh gawd, I can’t unsee what I just saw,”
Todd stands in front of his hotel’s bathroom mirror. He’s sweating profusely as he bonds his fake, blonde goatee onto his chin. This, doubled with his blonde, platinum-dyed hair makes him look completely different. He takes a deep breath as he begins…
Todd sits in his car, anxiously tapping his fingers on his steering wheel in a rhythmic pattern as he waits for his passenger. He looks at his lit LYFT mustache on his dashboard, humming silently. “Okay, okay,” Todd thinks to himself, “let’s not screw this up.”
Repeat college sophomore, Jesse Hammerstein, stated in a Facebook post Wednesday that he’s looking forward to “getting really f*d up this year at Lollapalooza after finishing my summer classes and graduating from my sophomore year at college #oxysbro #success.”
Alexander Ovechkin (“Ovi”) told ATA that as a result of such win he was “Overwhelmed and honored at the possibility of being the 1000thspecially invited Russian VIP to meet with President Trump at the White House this year.”
Todd sits in the bathroom stall at work. He frantically combs his fingers through his hair and begins to pull at it. The beads of sweat pouring down from his forehead are only offset by his eyelids that are blinking a million times a second.
It felt like High Snobiety was really reaching to make a point that Hill had become a fashion guru just for his taste in random ink display. When really, if you boil it down—the dude just owns tye dye shirts. He probably thinks they’re funny, a bit ironic, but most importantly: comfortable as hell.
Tekashi 6IX9INE, the self-proclaimed “King of New York” will look even more ridiculous when he along with all of the other non-motocross riding idiots purchase and start wearing pieces from the Supreme x Fox collection with no motorcycle in sight.
Just a few weeks before the now postponed Canelo Alvarez (“Canelo”) v Gennady Golovkin (“GGG”) super fight rematch, Canelo tested positive for Clenbuterol (a banned substance) in two separate tests. In his defense, Canelo stated that the positive test results were caused by eating tainted Mexican meat during his training for the fight in Guadalajara.
Upon the announcement that Supreme will be dropping its highly anticipated Supreme x Rimowa aluminum luggage collection, baggage handlers around the world began honing their sledgehammers and practicing their elbow drops in anticipation of completely annihilating each and every piece of this collection that makes its way into their possession.