Awesome Totally Awesome - Where Is My Mind

Where is My Mind; Or ****, I Ate The Whole Brownie

I was in a small spaceship, galaxies away from home when I realized I had lost my mind.

Rewind to a few hours earlier, I was about to kick off spring break with my friend Jane. We had been planning for a week to call up a pot delivery service to come to my house so that we could order a couple pot brownies. No biggie, since the laws have changed in California.

The lady from the pot delivery service told us that the brownies were very potent and to be careful. It goes without saying, but I’m going to say it… I didn’t take her words of caution very seriously.

Jane told me to only eat half of the brownie because her friend had a bad reaction to it. At first, I did eat half.

Some time had passed and I didn’t really feel anything. I then ate the other half. This would, in turn, be the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life.

At first, I started to feel like I had a ton of energy. I was dancing and sliding on the floor, making a proper ass out of myself.

I then started to become kind of irritable. I was sitting on the couch ready to watch ‘Swiss Army Man’ when a wave of highness washed over my entire body.

I felt like I had an extreme sense of stimulation–mentally, physically, emotionally. I couldn’t look at my friend because she was moving around and it freaked me out. In reality, though, she was just sitting down talking.

Life started to become like a moving picture, wiggling around.

Then another wave of highness took me over again. I felt like I was up in a large building and I was falling down. I moved to sit down on the cold hard floor.

My whole body started twitching like someone had released a billion microscopic tennis balls inside of me, and the balls were painfully bouncing off of me from the inside.

“Am I having a seizure?” with a trembling voice I said. “No, I think you’re just cold,” Jane said.

I knew it was freaking her out, but I couldn’t do anything to stop my body from twitching. My face started moving without my consent as I started creepily smiling.

I laid down and put my hand on my eyes so that I couldn’t be freaked out, by the moving pictures I was seeing.

I felt like I was convulsing and moving 100s of miles an hour in every direction, but I was just twitching.

Pot I thought was supposed to make everything better, not a million times worse. I was in the worst pain of my life, and I was about to have another wave of highness to make everything worse.

Jane tried to get me to eat food, thinking that it would help me to stop being high. But, I wasn’t drunk I was high so it didn’t work.

My mouth was numb and I realized I was chewing something. I had a thought race through my head, “You’re chewing off your tongue!”

I put my finger in my mouth expecting that when I took my finger out it would be covered in blood and bits of my tongue. My finger was covered in tortilla chips. “My tongue is okay,” I said to myself.

I laid down and stared at the wall because I felt like everything around me was coming alive. The couch and the window were becoming sentient beings that were trying to talk to me. I thought that if I was exposed to the least amount of visual stimuli then I would not hallucinate, boy was I wrong!

There was a little crack in the wall, or maybe there wasn’t a crack, who knows? Anyway, I started staring at the crack and the crack had this little door with a demon behind it staring back at me. I quickly closed my eyes.

I started telling myself over and over, everything will be okay! Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay!

I heard these horrible sped-up demonic singing voices repeating, “Everything will be OKAY! Everything will be OKAY!!!!! EVERYYYYTHINGGGG WILLLL BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OKAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!” These voices were sardonically mocking my misery.

I started hearing Beethoven. I thought that Jane put it on to try to soothe me. I later learned that I was just crazy and she did no such thing. The music started to slowly drown out the evil singing I heard and I briefly felt better.

Later, I heard two people speaking to each other, one was speaking an Asian language and the other was speaking Italian. I tried to listen very carefully to both of them so that I could learn their language and then tell them to help me, but I had no such luck!

Suddenly, the house I was living at, was trembling as rocks were being thrown at it. Maybe someone was trying to rob us? Maybe Kim Jong-Un had dropped a bomb? No, it was raining! I realized it was rain! I was so proud of myself for figuring it out!

My achievement came to a screeching halt when the demon I had seen earlier, reappeared as large as me, sitting upside down on the ceiling eating something. “It’s not real, you’re just high,” I told myself. I looked away and saw cars stuck in traffic on my wall.

At 6:30 a.m. I woke up, no longer high, I wasn’t twitching or in pain anymore. I could finally move of my own volition. I walked to the bathroom and took a long look in the mirror. Afraid of my own reflection, I was glad that I was sane again. No longer fearing how much worse the next moment would be.

Long story short, never ever eat the entire pot brownie.

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