Baggage Handlers Preparing to Destroy Your New Supreme X Rimowa Luggage

Upon the announcement that Supreme will be dropping its highly anticipated Supreme x Rimowa aluminum luggage collection, baggage handlers around the world began honing their sledgehammers and practicing their elbow drops in anticipation of completely annihilating each and every piece of this collection that makes its way down the conveyor belt into their possession.

According to United Airlines baggage handler Seymour Butz, “This is like Christmas for us.  While the United in-flight staff get to occasionally assault and demean troublemakers, we focus on the simple fucking joy of trashing luggage. Usually, we don’t discriminate.  It’s kind of like a lottery down here.  Some luggage gets thrown 10 feet.  Others get body-slammed against the wall and shived with a box-cutter, depending on how we feel at that particular moment.  However, if some dumbfuck is fucking dumb enough to check in some shiny, foreign made, aluminum cased, luggage with a giant white SUP painted on it, then WHOOOOOOOOOOOO…bring it on.”

“None of us knew about this Supreme shit until about a year ago, when Supreme x Louis Vuitton made its first appearance through our carousels.  At first, it was so pretty, we didn’t know what to do with it.  That was until my boy Laetner came up with the idea to string it up like a piñata and swing on it with the Impaler Du Jour.  Which could be anything from a hockey stick to a sledgehammer but changed from day to day to make things more interesting like.

“Those piñata days were filled with memories, I’ll never forget.  Like when the Impaler Du Jour was a crowbar, and me and Laetner ended up in a fork-lift joust with a Supreme x Louis Vuitton Trunk, penetrating the handles on either side of the trunk with our crowbars.  We could try that a thousand times more and never accomplish that feat again, ever.  It was a magical day.  I wish we could have gotten that on video.

“Then the powers that be came down with a decree that Supreme x Louis Vuitton customers were too important to the airline, and were designated Amnesty luggage.”

What is amnesty luggage?

“You know, like dogs, cats, and golf clubs owned by white males over thirty-five.  Stuff the airline determines you can’t fuck with at all or you lose the tip of your pinky, Yakuza style.

“So far there hasn’t been an amnesty declared on Supreme x Rimowa luggage, so it’s fair game.”

When asked if he preferred to destroy the black or red versions of the luggage, Butz, replied, “We don’t discriminate down here.  That’s for the United suits and the in-flight staff.”

For more about Supreme’s upcoming budget line, click here.

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique
ATA - DTK

Awesome Dropping

Awesome Totally Awesome Bono

“There Is A God,” Claim Millions of Atheists After Hearing the News That Bono Lost His Voice

Upon the news that Bono completely lost his voice, partway through U2’s performance in Berlin Saturday, atheists around the world began to seriously question their worldview.

Supreme to Offer Budget Line of Products

/
For those of you who cannot afford Supreme gear at retail, let alone aftermarket pricing, Supreme will soon be offering a budget line called Supreme Market, featuring items conveniently priced below $40.00.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Rolling Stones - Beggars Banquet

Five Rolling Stones Albums For New Stones Fans

It can be pretty daunting if you're a new Rolling Stones fan and want to know which albums to get into from their vast catalogue, or which are their best records to check out first.

Awesome Features

Awesome Totally Awesome Wickenheiser

Maple Leafs Move With the Times in Hiring Wickenheiser The GOAT of Women's Hockey

The Toronto Maple Leafs announced that they hired Canadian Olympian and gold medalist Hayley Wickenheiser as Assistant Director of Player Development on Thursday August 23, 2018.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Gorillaz

ATA Reviews and Revisits Gorillaz' Self Titled Debut

I felt there was so much to this band I could follow. They were dark, edgy, but fun to watch. And, as a fan of them since their inception, I have never been disappointed in them.

Fucking Eh

I had just arrived in Paris after spending the past five weeks in Angola managing some offshore drilling rigs.  Shitty job.  After laying down the rules, I got some pushback from the locals.  Not a surprise.  Typical work politics down there.

Awesome Trending

Awesome Totally Awesome

Fallout Gamers Already Planning Sick Days, Family Emergencies, Vacation Time, and Any Excuse to Work Remotely in Anticipation of Fallout 76 Release this November

Eileen, a luck 10 has plans to “Just wing it and miss three weeks of work.  I’ll cross my fingers and toes and hope I have a job whenever, I decide to return.”
Iron Maiden Killers

Making "Killers": How Iron Maiden Got the "Maiden Sound"

Most Iron Maiden fans rave about the Killers album, while others think it's overrated. But everyone agrees it's the record that gave birth to Iron Maiden's unique sound.
Awesome Totally Awesome Megan Thee Stallion

Make Way for Megan Thee Stallion

Megan Thee Stallion's unapologetic lyrics and ownership of her physical space and sexuality as a woman couldn’t be more important given the current political landscape.