Baggage Handlers Preparing to Destroy Your New Supreme X Rimowa Luggage
Upon the announcement that Supreme will be dropping its highly anticipated Supreme x Rimowa aluminum luggage collection, baggage handlers around the world began honing their sledgehammers and practicing their elbow drops in anticipation of completely annihilating each and every piece of this collection that makes its way down the conveyor belt into their possession.
According to United Airlines baggage handler Seymour Butz, “This is like Christmas for us. While the United in-flight staff get to occasionally assault and demean troublemakers, we focus on the simple fucking joy of trashing luggage. Usually, we don’t discriminate. It’s kind of like a lottery down here. Some luggage gets thrown 10 feet. Others get body-slammed against the wall and shived with a box-cutter, depending on how we feel at that particular moment. However, if some dumbfuck is fucking dumb enough to check in some shiny, foreign made, aluminum cased, luggage with a giant white SUP painted on it, then WHOOOOOOOOOOOO…bring it on.”
“None of us knew about this Supreme shit until about a year ago, when Supreme x Louis Vuitton made its first appearance through our carousels. At first, it was so pretty, we didn’t know what to do with it. That was until my boy Laetner came up with the idea to string it up like a piñata and swing on it with the Impaler Du Jour. Which could be anything from a hockey stick to a sledgehammer but changed from day to day to make things more interesting like.
“Those piñata days were filled with memories, I’ll never forget. Like when the Impaler Du Jour was a crowbar, and me and Laetner ended up in a fork-lift joust with a Supreme x Louis Vuitton Trunk, penetrating the handles on either side of the trunk with our crowbars. We could try that a thousand times more and never accomplish that feat again, ever. It was a magical day. I wish we could have gotten that on video.
“Then the powers that be came down with a decree that Supreme x Louis Vuitton customers were too important to the airline, and were designated Amnesty luggage.”
What is amnesty luggage?
“You know, like dogs, cats, and golf clubs owned by white males over thirty-five. Stuff the airline determines you can’t fuck with at all or you lose the tip of your pinky, Yakuza style.
“So far there hasn’t been an amnesty declared on Supreme x Rimowa luggage, so it’s fair game.”
When asked if he preferred to destroy the black or red versions of the luggage, Butz, replied, “We don’t discriminate down here. That’s for the United suits and the in-flight staff.”
For more about Supreme’s upcoming budget line, click here.