High Heeled Crocs: Is This What The Rest Of The Nation Is Doing?

Now, as much as I want to throw shade in all directions, I’m actually going to step back and do some serious pondering. One of the most interesting things about the grey heel Steve had originally sent me was that it claimed to be sold out. While there are people like myself, who like to buy funny items for the sake of the comedic bit, that population still does not amass a large enough group to sell out an entire Crocs’ inventory, let alone one that comes in multiple sizes. So that means there are people who actually wanted these things. Which makes me wonder who they are.

My biggest assumption: Middle America. Also parts of the south. Also maybe some places on the East Coast. Basically everything East of the California border. And with this assumption I went spiralling.

I grew up in the Golden State, and have lived here for 99% of my life. In college, I believed I touted a sorority style that was influenced by Lily Pulitzer, but at the end of the day still wreaked of California vibes: tank tops, shorts, graphic prints.

So you can imagine my surprise when I visited Virginia for the first time last year, and saw first hand just how seriously they take their shift dresses and perfectly put together style. On this trip, I stood out with my punk rock Misfits Tee in comparison to the young millennials of Washington D.C. who were perfectly accessorized their office dresses and heels with Kate Spade (RIP). My point here is: the rest of the nation is different—and I know many of you are shaking your head at my naïveté—and has different takes on what’s “hot.”

When we think of how large this melting pot nation is(granted there are few parts of the stew that have not blended out well), we can understand why there is division on large issues such as politics, and small issues such as infatuation with Crocs. When we realize this, we can understand better how there is a demographic actively buying these comfy[?] grey heels, just as there are tons of hype kids lining up to buy Jordans.

After this reflection, I feel I can better pin point that these rubbery pumps are being worn by Midwesterners planning for their big vacation to the beach: knowing they’ll do some walking but have dinner reservations at the fancy seafood place on the shore at 5:30.

And lastly, as a comedian who stands at five feet, I have to ask myself: should I invest in these once they are back in stock as a bit, or because it will be the comfiest I will ever be while cheating my height?