Why had my most favorite thing in the world (bikinis—I love them!) been tarnished by these plastic clips that are designed to keep children from getting out, and yet children always can figure them out.
What did this add to the bikini? Do the designers think, “Hey, you know what’s really sexy? Rolling around on the sand making out with your summer fling with washboard abs then he reaches to pinch off your bikini.”
PINCH?! Also, with those plastic death traps so close to skin, there is no doubt people will get pinched upon getting into the bikini and getting out of it! Someone is going to get hurt.
And it wasn’t just that one piece…
Buckles, buckles, everywhere! WHY?! And who was the creative director that said, “you know what pairs really well with buckles? Construction safety glasses, but those are too abrasive for our vibe so put on these 8th grade science class goggles that don’t actually protect you from highly acidic solutions.”
I know that since this line came out, I have seen buckles pop up more and more in fashion, but I choose to ignore them. If you feel personally attacked, please join me and print this article and plaster it all over your office space in defiance. Thank you.