Awesome Totally Awesome - What The Buckle

What the Buckle

Sometime around spring this year, my guy friends were passing around their phone looking at a shoe design that was about to drop. I took a quick glance and was perturbed. (And of course now I can’t find the image regardless how unique my Google Searches are.) I think they were Jordans? (VIII’s)  But honestly you could show me a whole line up of Jordans and I’d be like “Oh cool, so…basketball shoes?”

Full disclosure men’s shoes are as confusing to me as women’s shoes are confusing to men. Is the playing field leveled now?  To give an examples, when you say “loafer” I simultaneously think of a foot putting on a banana peel and just a cartoon loaf of bread. My mind, it is something else.

Regardless, I was upset by this picture because there was a fat, matte, plastic, black buckle designed into the shoe. Those buckles that no matter how old you are, can pinch your fingers if you’re not looking. Those buckles that are more for utility on a dog’s collar than to hold your two year old in a car seat. Those pieces of shit. (Am I talking about the buckle or the kid?)

I saw the picture and thought of the story of The Emperor’s New Clothes. Selling garbage at high rates and calling it high fashion, how silly men are when it comes to shoes, I thought. Until…

I was scrolling through Instagram—as I do for five hours every day and then complain that there’s not enough time for me to be productive and apologize to everyone I haven’t texted back promptly—and then I saw it. One of the bikini boutiques I followed posted looks from a fashion show featuring Frankie’s Bikinis. And the atrocity stared in my face and laughed.

Awesome Totally Awesome - What The Buckle

Buckles

Why?!

Why had my most favorite thing in the world (bikinis—I love them!) been tarnished by these plastic clips that are designed to keep children from getting out, and yet children always can figure them out.

What did this add to the bikini? Do the designers think, “Hey, you know what’s really sexy? Rolling around on the sand making out with your summer fling with washboard abs then he reaches to pinch off your bikini.”

PINCH?! Also, with those plastic death traps so close to skin, there is no doubt people will get pinched upon getting into the bikini and getting out of it! Someone is going to get hurt.

And it wasn’t just that one piece…

Buckles, buckles, everywhere! WHY?!   And who was the creative director that said, “you know what pairs really well with buckles? Construction safety glasses, but those are too abrasive for our vibe so put on these 8th grade science class goggles that don’t actually protect you from highly acidic solutions.”

I know that since this line came out, I have seen buckles pop up more and more in fashion, but I choose to ignore them. If you feel personally attacked, please join me and print this article and plaster it all over your office space in defiance. Thank you.

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique
ATA - DTK

Awesome Dropping

Awesome Totally Awesome - DTK

The Five Greatest Tony Iommi Riffs in Black Sabbath Songs

There's not one guitarist who has had more influence on heavy metal than Black Sabbath's Tony Iommi.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Hello 90's

Hello 90’s, Goodbye Dignity

Grab onto your laces as we dive deeper into the confusing vortex of how these style mishaps from decades past are once again terrorizing our streets.
Awesome Totally Awesome

Tekashi 6IX9INE Will Look Even More Ridiculous When He Cops The Supreme x Fox Collaboration Dropping Thursday.

Tekashi 6IX9INE, the self-proclaimed “King of New York” will look even more ridiculous when he along with all of the other non-motocross riding idiots purchase and start wearing pieces from the Supreme x Fox collection with no motorcycle in sight.

Awesome Features

Awesome Totally Awesome - Castlevania Photo:@zerobriantees

Netflix Castlevania Season 2 Review: Pulls You in By The Neck and Doesn't Let Go

As soon as I heard Adi Shankar was creating an animated series based on the beloved Castlevania franchise, I was tuned in and ready to go.
Awesome Totally Awesome - The Distillers

ATA's Timeline Review of The Distillers at the Hollywood Palladium

I tell my daughter that this album was written after the singer of the Distillers left the singer of Rancid. She doesn’t give a sh*t.
Alfonso Rawls EverybodySkates Awesome Totally Awesome

SHINE: ATA’s INTERVIEW WITH SKATEBOARDING ICON ALPHONSO “ALF” RAWLS ON SKATING, HIS STREETWEAR COMPANY #EVERYBODY SKATES, AND HIS ART

Our latest Shine subject is Alfonso "ALF" Rawls.  ALF is a skateboarding legend and really good soul who can still rip everything with freaky styley style.

Awesome Trending

How Jane's Addiction's Nothing's Shocking Almost Did Not Get Recorded

One of the most significant albums of the 1980s, Jane's Addiction's seminal Nothing's Shocking, almost didn't get recorded. While the album turned out to be so influential to alternative music and the beginnings of grunge, the band that went into LA's Eldorado Studio to record it nearly broke up during production.
Awesome Totally Awesome Elon Musk

Elon Musk’s Next Collaboration Is a Trip

ATA has since discovered that Musk is working closely with DTK (Drink the Koolaid) Labs on a new LSD that he claims will initiate a new industrial revolution.
Awesome Totally Awesome

Wu-Tang Clan and Activision to Collaborate for Call of Duty, 36 Chambers Edition

Videogame giant Activision announced that it will be collaborating with the legendary hip hop conglomerate, the Wu Tang Clan (“Wu”) for several upcoming projects, including Call of Duty, 36 Chambers Edition.