Parents Around the World are Refusing to Hangout With Their Fortnite Flossing Adolescents
In a strange turn of events, parents around the globe are devising any excuse to avoid hanging out (or even be seen) with their Fortnite flossing kids.
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Angry Socialist Kindergarten Teacher Ruins Thanksgiving for Fifteen Local Families
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, DroppingA grassroots organization of concerned parents of students at the Zinn Uplift Progressive Elementary School warns of dangerous trends from a socialist classroom teacher.
Local Couple Held Captive for Friend’s Unprovoked Acoustic Concert
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome LampoonLocal man Colin Butler and his wife Cynthia report having just experienced a thirty-minute performance by area musician Jacob Jeffries.
Despite Video Evidence, Texas Man Refuses to Admit He Has Ever Been Drunk
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome LampoonDespite video evidence to the contrary, Jethro Chevydiesel (Chevydiesel) refused to admit he was drunk the night before—or ever. “I ain’t never been drunk in my Goddamn life.”
Area Man Unable to Attend ‘Keep Families Together’ Rally Due to Daughter’s Softball Team Commitment
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome LampoonStanley family friend Leah Burt stated, “I was really surprised. I actually went to the rally because Taylor said Lindsey, the kids, and him were going to be there. But he was nowhere to be found.”
Mother Walks in on Son Licking Jordans
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, SteezMother of nineteen-year-old Instagram influencer, 99Problem5Butmykiksaint1 (Maynard Marnywood) walked in on her son licking his Jordans. “My baby Maynard…Oh gawd, I can’t unsee what I just saw,”
Face Tattoos: Why?
/1 Comment/in Awesome, LifeWith out dating myself, my formidable years were spent in a time and place where there was a semi-negative connotation linked to tattoos. In the decades that I’ve been on this rock circling the sun, I’ve seen the acceptance of having tattoos, then exposed tattoos in the work place, then full blown sleeves as one’s first tattoo, and now the general welcoming of face tattoos.
Had a Bad Day…
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Uber ChroniclesSometimes I feel like my blindness makes me invisible to Uber drivers as they have the tendency to drive right past me even though I’m the only person standing where they are supposed to pick up and I’m holding a phone. Maybe it’s something psychological that the driver experiences. Maybe they just assume that they won’t have a blind passenger and, if they just travel on a little further, they’ll find the able-bodied passenger they were supposed to meet.
College Sophomore Looks Forward to Getting Really Bonzooed at Lollapalooza after Flunking out of College
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome LampoonRepeat college sophomore, Jesse Hammerstein, stated in a Facebook post Wednesday that he’s looking forward to “getting really f*d up this year at Lollapalooza after finishing my summer classes and graduating from my sophomore year at college #oxysbro #success.”
After Celebrating The Washington Capitals First Stanley Cup Win Ovechkin Wakes Up Without a Tongue
/0 Comments/in Awesome, Awesome Lampoon, SportsAlexander Ovechkin (“Ovi”) told ATA that as a result of such win he was “Overwhelmed and honored at the possibility of being the 1000thspecially invited Russian VIP to meet with President Trump at the White House this year.”