In a strange turn of events, parents around the globe are devising any excuse to avoid hanging out (or even be seen) with their Fortnite flossing kids.
A grassroots organization of concerned parents of students at the Zinn Uplift Progressive Elementary School warns of dangerous trends from a socialist classroom teacher.
Local man Colin Butler and his wife Cynthia report having just experienced a thirty-minute performance by area musician Jacob Jeffries.
Despite video evidence to the contrary, Jethro Chevydiesel (Chevydiesel) refused to admit he was drunk the night before—or ever. “I ain’t never been drunk in my Goddamn life.”
Stanley family friend Leah Burt stated, “I was really surprised. I actually went to the rally because Taylor said Lindsey, the kids, and him were going to be there. But he was nowhere to be found.”
Mother of nineteen-year-old Instagram influencer, 99Problem5Butmykiksaint1 (Maynard Marnywood) walked in on her son licking his Jordans. “My baby Maynard…Oh gawd, I can’t unsee what I just saw,”
With out dating myself, my formidable years were spent in a time and place where there was a semi-negative connotation linked to tattoos. In the decades that I’ve been on this rock circling the sun, I’ve seen the acceptance of having tattoos, then exposed tattoos in the work place, then full blown sleeves as one’s first tattoo, and now the general welcoming of face tattoos.
Sometimes I feel like my blindness makes me invisible to Uber drivers as they have the tendency to drive right past me even though I’m the only person standing where they are supposed to pick up and I’m holding a phone. Maybe it’s something psychological that the driver experiences. Maybe they just assume that they won’t have a blind passenger and, if they just travel on a little further, they’ll find the able-bodied passenger they were supposed to meet.
Repeat college sophomore, Jesse Hammerstein, stated in a Facebook post Wednesday that he’s looking forward to “getting really f*d up this year at Lollapalooza after finishing my summer classes and graduating from my sophomore year at college #oxysbro #success.”
Alexander Ovechkin (“Ovi”) told ATA that as a result of such win he was “Overwhelmed and honored at the possibility of being the 1000thspecially invited Russian VIP to meet with President Trump at the White House this year.”