UBER CHRONICLES: CONVERSATION WITH AN ODDLY INTRUSIVE UBER DRIVER WITH A RUSSIAN ACCENT

Uber Driver: “So, do you live in Rogers Park?”

Me: “No.”

Uber Driver: “Where do you live?”

Me: “I live in Lakeview, but I might be moving to Rogers Park.”

Uber Driver: “Why would you want to move to Rogers Park?”

Me: “I found a place with more space for less money.”

Uber Driver: “What do you need space for?”

Me: “It would be nice to have some more room to spread out in, especially when I do my work.”

Uber Driver: “What kind of work do you do?”

Me: “I am a college professor.”

Uber Driver “Oh yeah, what do you teach?”

Me: “I teach college writing.”

Uber Driver: “I don’t understand how you would be able to teach college writing if you can’t read?”

Slams on break to avoid hitting a pedestrian.

Uber driver: “That guy just walked out in front of me! So, I still don’t understand how you can do your job.”

Me: “I use a combination of technology and volunteer people to help.”

Uber Driver: “How long have you been doing that?”

Me: “About 14 years.”

Uber Driver: “Well you couldn’t have been using technology 14 years ago.”

Me: “Yeah, I used a lot more volunteer help back then.”

Uber Driver “I still don’t understand why you would need more room. Do you have kids or something?”

Me: “Yes.”

Uber Driver: “How many do you have?”

Me: “I have three.”

Uber Driver: “How old?”

Me: “Nine, seven, and four.”

“Uber Driver: “Oh, you are a superman! Are you married?”

Me: “No, I’m divorced.”

Silence.

Uber Driver: “Can I ask why you got divorced?”

Me: “It’s kind of like a death by 1000 paper cuts or something.”

Uber Driver: “Well, your wife must’ve loved you for a long time if she had that many kids with you.”

Silence.

Uber Driver: “Where were you born?”

Me: “Harvey.”

Uber Driver: “I didn’t realize college professors could be born in Harvey.”

Silence.

Uber Driver: “Did you grow up in Harvey?”

Me: “No I grew up in Cal city.”

Uber Driver: “Did you like growing up in Calumet city?”

Me: “Yes.”

Uber Driver: “Was it a nice area?”

Me: “Yes, but it’s had some hard times economically recently.”

Uber Driver: “I’ve lived in this area 43 years; it was never a nice area.”

Silence.

Uber Driver: “You’re a very remarkable person.”

Silence.

Uber Driver: “Isn’t Rogers Park a much worse area to live in than Lake View?”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

Uber Driver: “Which building is yours?”

Me: “The one with a parking lot in front of it.”

Uber Driver: “How do you know that it has a parking lot in front of it if you can’t see?”

Me: “I live here.”

Uber Driver: “I’m going to pull up in the driveway, because you are very important person.”