UBER CHRONICLES: TUESDAY MORNING MICROAGRESSION

Mike was my fellow Uber passenger. He got out to help me into the vehicle. As he got back in, he told Bob, our driver, to “Hop to it.” Bob thanked him for helping me get in.

“I’m only one man, but I do what I can,” Mike responded.

Bob then made a right on Glenwood Avenue.

“Pay attention to your GPS!” Mike exclaimed. “You were supposed to take a left there.”

Bob assured him that it would not affect our time. Mike went on, “I hope I’m not paying more attention to your GPS than you are! That’s the second time I’ve caught you doing that, and I know my blind buddy back here isn’t going to say anything!”

For the rest of the ride, Mike was silent except for his consistent sighing. As we approached Mike’s destination, Bob nicely pointed out that we were arriving 8 minutes early. Mike apologized to Bob telling him that he always gets edgy before he has a business meeting. Bob thanked him for the apology. Mike didn’t think to apologize to me. It’s almost like I wasn’t there.

I always have a hard time catching an Uber when I am downtown. The GPS just can’t get the location right, and my blindness and the occasional driver who doesn’t understand what blindness is, only serve to confuse things. Luckily, Lawrence was cool about making sure we met up. When I got in the car, I had the feeling that my fellow passenger was not too happy about the additional time that Lawrence had spent to make sure he got me. She let out an audible sigh when we started our trip. “Does he have to get dropped off first,” she asked the driver after he good-naturedly mentioned that I would be getting home next. I was happy to hear this, because she had her stuff so spread out that I was hugging the corner in a backseat built to sit two comfortably. She asked the driver to close the window in a question that sounded more like a command. She got on her phone and I tried to tune out her conversation and listen to the news broadcast Lawrence had on.

Traffic was particularly bad, because it had me, the blind guy, feeling anxious with all the stopping and going. We hit a series of bumps. “This really sucks; life really sucks!” I could hear the woman next to me saying. She had been talking on the phone in another language. I figured she just spoke certain phrases in English and continued to focus my attention on Trump, Russia and Wikileaks as we went over another series of particularly bad bumps. “I think I’m gonna have the baby now,” I thought I heard the woman say. That’s an odd thing to say over the phone, but who am I to judge what people talk about.

“I said, ‘I think i’m gonna have the baby now!’ Hello! Are you guys hearing me?”

I wondered if she had gotten off the phone and had started talking to us. I figured it was Lawrence’s responsibility to respond to her; after all, I’m just the passenger.

“Seriously!”

I recognized that “seriously!” I shouldn’t have that “seriously!” directed at me anymore. I’m not married, I thought. This was definitely Lawrence’s responsibility to respond to.

“I’m gonna have the baby now!”

Lawrence was immersed in the traffic and MSNBC. I was going to have to respond. “Um, did you say you were gonna have a baby now,” I timidly asked.

“Yes!” She said.

“Are you pregnant,” I asked.

“Yes!” She answered in frustration.

“Like, right now?”

“These bumps are causing me to have contractions.”

“Wait, are you having contractions now?” I continued the questioning.

“Yes.”

“How far apart are they?”

“They’re not very frequent, but the one after the bump was pretty strong.”

“When are you due?”

“On Monday.”

“And you think your gonna have the baby now,” I asked.

“No! But the contraction after the bumps was strong, so I thought I’d just say I was to see if you guys were listening. And you weren’t!”

“It can’t be legal for a pregnant woman to play these mind games with a guy she doesn’t know,” I thought.

“The driver still doesn’t know what we’re talking about,” she said and began tapping him on the shoulder. “Sir, driver, I said I think I’m gonna have the baby now!”

“In the car,” Lawrence asked worriedly.

At this point, I knew this pregnant woman’s wicked game and I could have stepped in to protect him, but fuck Lawrence! Where was he when I thought I might have to deliver a newborn on my way home. I did decide to give him a tip, though.

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique
ATA - DTK

Awesome Dropping

Malcolm Gladwell Sued by Shaq, Wallace, Jordan and Drummond

SHAQUILLE O’NEAL, BEN WALLACE, DEANDRE JORDAN, AND ANDRE DRUMMOND filed a joint lawsuit in Federal District Court against author Malcolm Gladwell
Awesome Totally Awesome - Pee Smelling Murderer

How I Became a Pee Smelling Murderer With a Job Offer From an Aspiring Pimp

I had just graduated from college and was waiting for a life-changing job offer. In fact, any job offer would have been nice.
Awesome Totally Awesome

Awesome Totally Awesome's Review of Balenciaga's Spring 2018 Lookbook

/
I should open with the following statement: I know nothing about high fashion. But I do know the difference between something aesthetically pleasing tickling my photoreceptors from an outfit that makes me think “What’s going on here?!”

Awesome Features

Why Phil Kessel Is Awesome (And Why You Should Think So Too)

Phil Kessel beat cancer during his rookie season and went on to become a five time thirty goal scorer and two time Stanley Cup Champion on his own terms.  In spite of being one of the most prolific goal scorers of his generation, Phil has been oft maligned, bullied, and minimized by the press, the fans, the NHL, and even his peers.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Stacy Kohut FOURLIFE

Stacy Kohut Interview: Four Wheels + For Life = FOURLIFE

I try to get 5 or 6 runs in the morning, then 5 or 6 runs after lunch. Its important to me to feel like I've put in the work, 'punched in' for the shift, when I ride. Makes the day have some more importance and meaning. A purpose if you will.

Cliff Burton's Influence on Ride The Lightning

There's no question Metallica's sophomore album, Ride the Lightning saw the band finding their thrash metal stride with better songs and production than on their stunning debut Kill 'Em All.

Awesome Trending

Five Most Underrated Van Halen Songs with David Lee Roth

With David Lee Roth on vocals, the original Van Halen produced six phenomenal albums from 1978-1984.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Scientology

Hanging With The Brainwashers: ATA Goes Undercover With The Church of Scientology

It was a rainy day in Sydney, Australia when I was walking down a sidewalk with my Finnish friend Isabella, when I saw a nice enough looking woman handing out some kind of paper to passersby.
Awesome Totally Awesome Replaced My Bumper

I Replaced My Bumper: A Tale of Avoiding Trendy Plastic Surgery

My formative teen years did not involve the ever-present smartphone of today, but the media still found ways of consistently feeding me the image of “the perfect body.”