Awesome Totally Awesome Replaced My Bumper

I Replaced My Bumper: A Tale of Avoiding Trendy Plastic Surgery

My formative teen years did not involve the ever-present smartphone of today, but the media still found ways of consistently feeding me the image of “the perfect body.” At age thirteen, it was bleach blond with big boobs and lots of her dad’s money—but as Keeping Up With The Kardashians aired their first season, things started to change. The idea of the “sex V” (hip bones that protruded slightly and were shown off by low, low cut jeans) was replaced by high-waisted shorts that let butt cheeks peek out, if not completely reveal themselves. As our focus in favorable body parts shifted, so did the means to achieve them.

Growing up, tip jars or piggy banks labeled “Boob Job” were everywhere: TV, film, that mom and pop shop that had a B Rating from the Health Department. The silicone implants have not been completely out ruled from our society, but now, we’re more so fixated on big butts (and I cannot lie.)  And with the continuous rise of the Kardashian-Jenner family, came the most recent obsession with lip plumpers: collagen injections to the face that make doing simple things like using a straw or eating lasagna so sexy.

But what happens in the next five years? What happens when the Kardashians—or another mogul family—says that non-existent hips and thin lips are the latest craze? Will we literally sit on our plastic asses ‘til the injections deplete?

I’ve always been wary of plastic surgery—while I have insecurities (I am a woman in this country after all) I’ve never saved up for the knife. Reading tabloids as a teen that read, “CELEBRITY X’S NEW NOSE GETS BOTCHED!” made me realize that if people with millions of dollars can’t even get a correct “fix” why would a third of my paycheck put away for years on end afford me the perfect cheek lift?

Awesome Totally Awesome Replaced My Bumper

The lesson was further proven when I got rear-ended about a year ago. I love my car to death and without saying exactly the make or model, (I don’t know any of you and your capabilities to stalk me) know that it has a beautiful paint job. It glows in the sun after a nice wax, but the bumper did have a few dings prior to the accident. After getting tapped and receiving a bit of new damage, I decided to take the car in to have all the marks buffed out and painted over. To spare you all from reading a Yelp review, the short version is that the auto body shop pitched the idea of giving me a new bumper completely, promising it would be a better idea than just working on what existed. What was returned to me was a car with a new bumper that did not match. No glow to the paint—in fact, it literally looks paler in comparison. And I can never go back.

Some argue that due to the semi-permanent nature of injections, one could have their “old features” back in weeks. Which means that if you truly love your “new look” you still have to schedule reoccurring appointments to keep it up! Personally, I prefer my consistent and clockwork consumption of plastic to be in the form of fast food. And unlike lip plumpers, the latter does, in fact, come with free refills.

We live in a world of constant comparison to altered images. When scrolling through photos of everyone’s best life, we sometimes lose sight of how deliberate every image is. When we mindlessly double tap we forget how much silicone has been added and then slightly altered yet again through a “face tuning” app just for one photo. Our subconscious keeps track of these “perfect” faces & bodies and slowly weaken us to the point of purchasing a Groupon on ass implants with free lash extensions when the deal pops up in our feeds. But we must remember that just like the collagen we pump into ourselves, trends fade at varying rates.

Awesome Totally Awesome - Freaks & Weirdos Boutique
ATA - DTK

Awesome Dropping

Awesome Totally Awesome 10 Presents 80s Video Games

The 10: Arcade Classics

I don't know about you, but growing up in the 80's one of my favorite things to do was go to the arcade on the weekend. I decided to dig into my arcade memories and list 10 of my favorite arcade games from the 80's.
Awesome Totally Awesome

Todd Sends a Dick Pic

Todd sits in the bathroom stall at work. He frantically combs his fingers through his hair and begins to pull at it. The beads of sweat pouring down from his forehead are only offset by his eyelids that are blinking a million times a second.
Awesome Totally Awesome How Maria Beat

How Maria Beat The Real Housewives of the PTA at Their Own Game

I really didn’t care about winning, but seeing this lady’s cheerleader determination, made me say “I’m winning this mofo.”

Awesome Features

Awesome Totally Awesome - Lupe Fiasco

Why Lupe Fiasco is Still My Favorite Rapper?

We get into Lupe Fiasco more closely especially after his most recent release, Drogas Wave.
Iron Maiden Piece of Mind

Piece of Mind: Iron Maiden's Metal Masterpiece

With the success of 1982's Number of the Beast, one would think Iron Maiden would be hard pressed to follow it with an equal or better record, but they did just that with Piece of Mind.
Awesome Totally Awesome Beastie Boys Check Your Head

Why Check Your Head By the Beasties Will Always Be My Favorite Album

Check Your Head was named after a random occurrence wherein Ad Rock had purchased a pack of Desert Storm trading cards and brought them to the studio. 

Awesome Trending

Awesome Totally Awesome - Refused

Reviewing Refused - The Shape of Punk to Come’s and Its Precognition

In 1998, the Swedish punk band Refused released an album so influential that its fans and bands alike would guide the Invisible Hand of fandom.
Awesome Totally Awesome - Parents with Fortnite Playing Flossing Teen

Parents Around the World are Refusing to Hangout With Their Fortnite Flossing Adolescents

In a strange turn of events, parents around the globe are devising any excuse to avoid hanging out (or even be seen) with their Fortnite flossing kids.

Supreme to Offer Budget Line of Products

/
For those of you who cannot afford Supreme gear at retail, let alone aftermarket pricing, Supreme will soon be offering a budget line called Supreme Market, featuring items conveniently priced below $40.00.